# 5 -- YOU WEAR IT WELL

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

First impressions are just that -- pig-with-shoes or polished, poised and professional? One 15-second look sums you up. Stroll into one’s eye-view and the subtle and sometimes not so subtle head-to-toe scan takes place. Man, woman or child, no one is safe from the scrutiny of the first impression. Our minds immediately begin to classify what we see.

So what do we see? Race, age, class, economic status, education, I.Q., style or lack thereof, a guess at the personality and ah, yes… even your character and integrity is assessed. Amazingly, you have yet to utter a word.

Even in this age of freedom of expression, appearances do matter and impressions are made although nothing is truly as it appears…notice I said, appears. However, bets are placed in the minds of others and personal brand begins. Let me ask this survey question: “How many first impressions did you have the opportunity to make today?

Fail to make that good impression and two things can happen. You may be avoided or gravitated to according to shared commonalities. If you are in Rome acting like a Roman, you may be accepted. If you are in Rome, acting like the wild man of Borneo, people may keep you at a distance (with a very strong opinion). Call it human nature, but we do still classify.

Is it right to judge a book by its cover? No, that is considered politically incorrect. How might classification play out in a social or business setting, for example? Things like poor hygiene, inappropriate dress for the occasion, hard facial expressions and body language pointing to a negative attitude, are just a few examples of what makes a bad impression. What makes a good impression, of course, is the converse.

When you finally do get a chance to speak and interact, good manners can stack the odds in your favor. The ability to speak well and treat others with kindness, respect, and put people at ease goes a long way. It’s the appearance that gets one through the door. Anybody remember the little sign, “No shoes, No Shirt, No Service?” -- Ms. EtiQ

#4 THE GOLDEN RULE, Part II

How does one apply the Golden Rule in everyday life? First, it begins with a series of quality decisions to do so. Do you desire to be the best, kindest, most polite person you can be, in spite of how you might be feeling on any given day?

Second, self-awareness is a next good step in the process. Do you leave the house with your game face on, ready to take on the world and all that will be thrown at you with grace and diplomacy? This requires a decision.

Third, awareness of others is the next important thing to consider. Consideration for others is an essential etiquette tool. How will my behavior affect those around me? Do I even care? How would I feel, if someone totally disregarded my presence or my feelings? Consideration is a sign of respect for others and self. And, think about it, when given, respect is duly noted and appreciated.

Pleasantness is infectious, along with other mood elevating qualities, like laughter, optimism and of course, good manners. Again, you have a choice to either set or change the atmosphere you encounter. Also, how you answer most of these questions can be quite telling. Once you know where you are standing, you can determine where to go next.

And, how does the Golden Rule apply to handling embarrassing situations, such as yawns, burps, sneezes, runny noses or dare I say it, gas, in public? The correct responses are: by always covering your mouth and saying, “pardon me.” And for the latter two, excusing yourself from present company.

Shockingly, today we witness a total disregard in most of these areas, even in the workplace. Consider your own responses well, or you just might be classified as a pig-in-shoes. Take care that the next rude person you encounter could very easily be you. – Ms. EtiQ

#2 THE GOLDEN RULE, Part I

Recently, I asked a group of high school students if anyone had ever heard of the “Golden Rule.” I got a few hands, but mostly a bunch of blank and puzzled looks. A few thought it might be money-related, as in, “him that has the gold, makes the rules.” Not even close.

To say the least, I find this young mindset (or lack, thereof) disturbing. What I’m suggesting is a very basic way to correct a few societal ills -- that is, through the return to the basic rules of etiquette. The other problem is, its not just youth. Sadly, it is also adults, who I thought, would know better.

In case you hadn’t heard, the Golden Rule has been altered. For the record, it isn’t, “Treat people the way they treat you,” or “Get them before they get you.” It simply says, “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” It has been said for centuries, in many different ways by many people. Even Jesus weighed in on this topic.

Why the call back to basics? Take a look around, please. Go to any public place and just people watch for 10 minutes. You will be amazed by what you will see. Just to be fair, you will also see wonderful acts of kindness and good manners – about 50%. That is a good sign.

But who cares, you might ask? The answer: more people than you think. People in authority positions who can make major decisions about your life – teachers, bosses, parents, friends, family, and should you find yourself in a legal situation authority figures, like judges and policemen, even the opposite sex will make a decision about you. And besides, don’t forget the rule of Karma – what you put out in the universe will eventually find its way back to you. What goes around, comes around. So what’s making its way back to you?

WHY ETIQUETTE?

Etiquette is essential. It is for every person from the smallest toddler, who, when presented with a cookie is asked, “What do you say?” to the most seasoned executive, who must navigate through a networking event or a business dining experience. Knowing the dos and don’t and projecting confidence in any given situation leads to the formation of mutually satisfying relationships or being rejected.

The original French word, Étiquets, literally means “keep off the grass.” Later it came to mean “little ticket” or “little sign,” which was instituted by King Louis XIV’s gardeners. Signs were posted warn guests not to trample the elaborate landscapes he created. The concept eventually evolved into tickets issued, at the Kings edict, to provide access to certain areas and provide the rules of palace behavior. Even then, following the rules made the difference between being in the “in crowd” and being a social pariah.

Today is not much different. Impeccable manners is still a sign of good upbringing, creates a competitive edge, is evidence of respect of self and others and portrays a sense of confidence. It is more than knowing which fork to use. It ultimately comes down to putting people at ease because you are at ease.

Don’t think people don’t notice bad manners, either. People are getting fed up with rudeness. We live in a global society that brings political correctness and cultural sensitivity to the forefront. Another factor, technology saves time but often makes contact impersonal.

The decline in basic human kindness and interaction is seen in our youth, in the workplace and within the public at large. We are seeing higher demands for the return to basic social graces being decried from the classroom to the boardroom and other rooms in between. We can begin by following the “Golden Rule” of treating others the way we wish to be treated. It really is that simple.

Hello

To all who are interested in the rich subject of etiquette and manners, this blog's for you. ;-)

Hazel Y. Harris
Founder & Etiquette Consultant
Image and Etiquette Institute
Cleveland, Ohio
(216) 254-4642

hyvonneharris@gmail.com